DAY 12a
RATHNEW (County Wicklow, IRE)
Tuesday September 9th, 2008
TODAYS MILEAGE – 48 miles or 77 kilometres
TRIP MILEAGE – 12140 miles or 19573 kilometres
Today was going to be an interesting day, in more ways than one.
After first arriving in Scotland the previous week, I noticed I had come down with a slight case of the Johnny Cash syndrome i.e. burning ring of fire. I had an irritation of the freckle that seemed to come and go and I thought I was over it. History proved me wrong. After showering this morning, I noticed blood was coming from my arse and I ain’t no doctor, but that aint supposed to happen.
After notifying the crew that were going to be a little late heading out as I needed to see a doctor, the next thing was finding one. Just ask a local you'd reckon. Now you couldn’t have picked a worse time to have freckle problems, as the B&B hosts seemed to have serious doubts about Jungle’s and my sexualities, so I couldn’t really tell exactly what kind of doctor I actually needed i.e. a proctologist.
Tony kept asking me what kind of Doc I wanted and to what exact ailment I was afflicted with, in order to find the correct medical provider. "A General Practitioner (GP) or a Doc in a box would be fine" I kept answering him without giving anything away.
Finally he rings the Salem Medical Centre in Wicklow and they say come on down straight away, as they have an opening. I shoot straight on down there and consult with a Hungarian doctor, about exactly what ails me while paying special attention the size of his fingers, or lack thereof, as I just know what’s coming next.
Now when you think of starting a holiday in Ireland, your mind drifts away along the rolling green hills, pints of Guinness, leprechauns and funny talkers. No, not me, I had to be different. My Irish holiday started bent over an examination table, with me strides and Reg Grundy’s around me ankles and saying “ahhh” from the wrong end, while an accented Eastern European voice says “brace yourself”, never mind that he's snapping lubed latex over his proffered instruments of examination, without so much as a how's ya father.
Yes, I felt violated and NO ..... I don’t need my annual colon exam this year, but thanks for asking!
The good Doctor finishes the exam, asks me if I lead an active lifestyle i.e. do I sit at desk all day? Do I move around a lot at work? Do I play sport? He sits me down, then reaches over to this huge medical looking book, flicks through the thing until he finds the page he wants and then says he does not feel the need to have his colleague perform another exam for a second opinion.
My life just got a whole lot better for me as the other Doctor had big old huge knarly pork sausages for nose pickers.
The infection was solely due to the long flights from Australia and that I wasn’t as mobile in moving around when I wanted. I had contracted something in Latin that translated to an Anal Fungal Infection.
You're kiddin' aren't you Doc??? I've got 'shrooms flowering out of me freckle???
Believe it or not, but the infection is very similar what women have to deal with - thrush.
I was starting to think my body is turning into a bloody Fruit & Veg stand. What, with my cauliflower ears, squashed nose and pumpkin head and now a fucking dose of arse mushrooms. What next??? I should just be done with it and stop to donate my body to science...................fiction!!!
Not a big deal on the scheme of things the Doc reckons. He prescribes me some Canesten HC cream and reckons all should be good if I follow the directions and absolutely no swimming or more than 1 shower a day, so as dry out the affected area.
€50 ($104.25AUD) for my new found Hungarian friend - the Doctor, €11.84 ($24.69AUD) for the Chemist and my Irish holiday was good to go.
After all that, we were ready to head out to Roundwood for a look see.