DAY 25

TERRANORA (New South Wales, AUS) to TOWNSVILLE (Queensland, AUS)

Monday September 22nd, 2008
TODAYS MILEAGE – 772 miles or 1242 kilometres
TRIP MILEAGE – 25866 miles or 41627 kilometres


The “2008 Culture Vulture Tour” is done and dusted and what a good trip is was.

Granted, it was not quite the odyssey, which the 8 months it took for me to conduct the “Where The Farq Is Fitzy” trip two years ago, but travel is an adventure and if I ain’t adventuresome then I ain’t Fitzy.

All up, I was away for 24 days, travelled 25866 miles (41627 kilometres) which included 23412 miles (37678 kilometres) on airplanes, 2454 miles (3949 kilometres) by road, took 1319 photos, built 55 web pages, played 6 games of rugby and partook in copious amounts of adult beverages that would keep the fourth generation, of a brewers kids, in shoes, in the manner of Imelda Marcos, for life.

Highlights of the trip included hanging out with my mates from my home town of Alice Springs and catching up with the associated comings & goings of a small town that the Alice is. The meeting of new people, that playing a team sport brings and the sharing of stories that comes with that, even if you don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story, over a couple of beers, of course.

Having enjoyed the hospitality and good cheer of both Scotland and Ireland, the visit was all the more special for the company I kept, and I thank them to a person, including Ian, one of the locals who held up the bar at the Holiday Inn, where we stayed for the week of the Golden Oldies festival. Not a word of a lie, his ball warmer must be the uglier sister of the bride of Frankenstein as he would drop £100.00 ($257.05AUD) on the bar, every night, before heading home.

Spending a couple of weeks with Jungle also holds a tremendous memory with me, as does the week in Ireland with Roscoe, Marie, Batesy, Michelle and 10 week old Matilda.

I think we all got a good giggle that the B&B hosts weren’t sure if Jungle and I were an “item”, a “couple” or a “family”. Never fear Yvonne, due to the prevailing climatic (i.e. cold) meteorological conditions, I was “sawing logs” long before Jungle went to sleep, even with his handy bag of neon ear plugs.

To meet and hang out with Mark Ella, an idol of mine, to have a beer with Gavin Hastings (arguably Scotland’s finest ambassador of rugby) and to play alongside the likes of Stumpy, the Bear, ‘ol George, Scars and Dougy Doug, as well as the rest of the Dingoes’, makes the efforts so worthwhile.

For the record, Dougy Doug’s sudden illness was a simple matter of “altitude” sickness. At 11 o’clock on a school night, he was vertical when he should have been horizontal as I was passing out the White Russians.

The history of Scotland and Ireland is simply amazing, but back then, it seemed that all they did was fucking or fighting; based on how many battles we were told about. I know which one I would have preferred. But then again, I suppose that if I had to wear a skirt in public, I’d be a fired up, especially if some Pommy bastard was having a crack at me.

After a couple of weeks, we were pretty unanimous in our thoughts, “If I see another fuckin’ castle” or “If that bloke tries to blow wind up another cats arse” (referring to the constant sounds of bag pipes) or “haven’t you heard of a thing called a salad”.

Ah, “what about the freckle infection” you ask. As much fun as a having Hungarian with two knuckles up your Khyber Pass checking your arse mushrooms can be, it was one of those experience that you can only have giggle at. Maybe it was me being in touch with my feminine side, as an Anal Fungal Infection is the exactly the same as thrush in women, but it’s something I rather not contract again.

On my return to Australia, Philthy’s better half Jodi and I had been doing the “Secret Squirrel” thing in our planning of surprising him with a visit for his 50th. Just so that you know, Philthy has his own “Awesome Foursome” women in his life thing going on. Jodi – the leader of the opposition, the chairman of the board, the owner, breeder & trainer, Sianne the eldest, Kasey the 2nd eldest and Tayla the youngest at 14.

On this day, I was torn between the two eldest daughters, Sianne and Kasey. They were playing against each other in the Grand Final of the local netball competition. In the end, I just declared “Switzerland” and was neutral. I cheered them both on. Kasey’s team got up in the end by 5 goals, if you’re wondering.

That night, we all gathered at a local watering hole to help Philthy celebrate (commiserate???) his innings at bat – 50, not out, but a great appeal. A great night was had by all including our budding gymnast “Leethal” and I will have film of her efforts, if Josh ever sends me what he recorded on his phone.

I got back to Townsville on the Monday, packed my kit, had a mere 4 hours in my bed and then flew out to Cannington to work.

All in all, a great time was had by all, thanks for playing kids and we’ll have to do it all again in two years.

∗ TERRANORA (New South Wales, AUS) to BRISBANE ~ Domestic Airport (Queensland, AUS)

76 miles or 121 kilometres

• Drive Time: 1 hour 35 minutes


∗ BRISBANE (Queensland, AUS) to TOWNSVILLE (Queensland, AUS)

692 miles or 1114 kilometres

• Flight Time: 1 hour 50 minutes


∗ TOWNSVILLE ~ Domestic Airport (Queensland, AUS) to HOME

4 miles or 6 kilometres

• Drive Time: 11 minutes