DAY 55
Week 8
AUSTIN (Texas, USA)
Monday August 14th, 2006
TODAYS MILEAGE – 67 miles or 108 kilometres
TRIP MILEAGE – 7547 miles or 12146 kilometres
Holed up in the Texas capitol!!! 
As mentioned on Saturday, I left my Trailblazer at Champion Toyota as they are a preferred repairer for my insurance company. I hadn't received a phone call from them by lunchtime (they promised "first thing in the morning"), so I rode down there to see what was going on.
The receptionist looks to be a dead ringer for Kathy Kinney's character Mimi Bodeck from The Drew Carey Show - only with a lot more attitude. Apparently I should have known the "procedures" and made an appointment waited for the assessor to contact me. According to the insurance company, the benefit of using one of their preferred vendors is the fact that you do not have to wait for an assessor. You simply drop off the vehicle and then ask for a time to pick it up.
So I trundled around Austin for a couple of hours before heading back to make dinner with young Matthew which consisted of Chorizo stuffed chicken breasts accompanied with tortallini covered in a portobello and 4 cheese garlic sauce. Not bad for my first crack at it.
As with any former juvenile delinquent with time on their hands, I was surfing a couple of web sites in Australia and New Zealand for my impending visit and came across a web site that contains an updated slang page. I've selected a few of them to share with you:
• Aeroplane Blonde: One who has bleached or dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
• Beer Compass: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you got there, and where you've come from.
• BOBFOC: Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.
• Britney Spears: Modern slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please, please darl".
• Bruce Lee: Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).
• Bunny-Boiler: An unhinged and overly possessive woman. From the rabbit boiling scene in the film "Fatal Attraction", e.g. " I don't like the look of that aeroplane blonde - could be a bunny boiler".
• DILLIGAF: Do I Look Like I Give A Farq
• Drink-Link: A modern term for a cashpoint machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.
• Etch-A-Sketch: Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both her nipples simultaneously.
• Fat As A Match: Someone who's actually thin.
• Flogging On: Surfing the Internet for some left-handed web sites.
• Greyhound: A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
• Johnny No-stars: A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who Works in a burger restaurant. The 'no stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
• Monkey Bath: A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go "Oo! Ool Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".
• Mystery Bus: The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
• Mystery Taxi: The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-pinter in your bed instead.
• NBR (no beers required): Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-pinter.
• One In The Departure Lounge: The need to defecate imminently.
• Pearl Harbour: Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour out there!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip' in the air.
• Picasso Arse: A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks and a couple of arseholes.
• Salad Dodger: An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
• Shark Biscuit: Somebody new to surfing.
• Starfish Trooper or Arsetronaut: A homosexual
• Swamp-Donkey: A deeply unattractive woman
• Tart Fuel or Bitch Piss: Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, Smirnoff Ice, Bacardi Cruisers , regularly consumed by young woman.
• Ten-Pinter: Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.
• Titanic: A lady who goes down the first time out.
• Todger Dodger: A lesbian.
• X-Piles: Unwanted visitors from Uranus.
It's good to be all edumacted 'n all now huh???
See ya.
