UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Montana
SOMERS BAY
The "Where The Farq Is Fitzy" Trip
Wednesday July 5th, 2006
Golf day - call the window makers!!! 
Gump had the forethought to book a tee time at the Eagle Bend Golf Course, over at Big Fork, which is on the other side of Flathead Lake. He also had Zan, JR and myself up at sparrows fart to go for a hit.
For those of you who don't know, as a golfer I'm a bloody good gardener, but these buggers were serious in making it all the more harder by doing silly stuff like putting 6 feet of water in the sand traps, having grass taller than a giraffe's arse and trees in the middle of where I want to hit. They even had a road installed on one hole so that even the bloody tourists could pull over and heckle me!!!
I also had the added pressure of being in competition with Zan for worst golfer in the group. She was only playing 9 holes - or was it that "Attila the Honey" wanted to spare me the humiliation, after the score was 81 to 72, in her favour, at the turn!!!
How I struggled on under such pressure, I will never know. We even had a thundering herd of wild deer trample the course. OK, it was only a young buck on the 10th and a small doe on the 16th, but Gump scared the living suitcase out of me as it sounded like he was tearing his cart apart looking for a rifle, knife or a sharp object like a nail file or toothpick to aid him in scoring some fresh deer meat.
Zan's father Matt, Gump and myself were grouped together and finished the full 18 holes. For the record, Matt had the lowest score, with Gump coming in second. Zan touched me up over the front 9, but I went a 64 on the back 9. I also believe I got the longest drive (maybe the 2nd longest as well) and drained a great 20 foot putt. I lost only 4 balls, felled 3 trees, dislodged 3 boulders from the mountainside, hit a fence, bounced off one road and hit only one house. All in all, a pretty good mornings work for me.
Gump commented that he was "pleased to have only shot 107". My reply was "Yeah, but it took 3 rifles!!"
A little bit of drama to spice up the afternoon. The weather took a turn for the worse. The skies blackened and the wind was howling like a banshee. I was looking out the window, just staring at the elements, when Sharilee asks me to check on Gump's Hobbi Cat. The wind and the waves were kicking up such a mess, it was pounding the boat into the rocks on the shore.
I charge on down the hill, having never rescued a boat in my life, but what the heck, I reckon the first guy who ever rescued a boat did so and then wrote a book about it, but never knew what he was doing either. I untied the aft rope and turn the boat into the wind and the waves and managed to pull it off the rocks. But that was about it. I was flung around like a rag doll and smashed from arsehole to breakfast and hoped that someone would come and help. Preferably someone who knew what they were doing.
After ginning around for about 20 minutes, trying to work out how to secure the vessel, Pirate Pete to the rescue. Pete came and agreed with my thoughts on moving the boat to the next dock, as it was more sheltered than his dock. We then spent the best part of an hour accomplishing that goal and all's well in paradise again.
The whole irony of the situation is that Gump, Zan and their tribe, as well as JR, Shelly and their crew all went to the water slide after golf. I declined as I have issues with water staying in my ears. Go figure, next time I'll just tag along for the hell of it!!!!
Time to kick back and relax and plan the next part of the journey. I'm thinking of heading up to Glacier National Park to look around for a few days.
FORE!!!!!!!
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